Wednesday, October 29, 2008


Hi. My name is Debbie and I am a recovering mother of the bride. After months of planning, it is all over. Done. Finished. That chapter in my live is complete. And what a chapter it was!

I wasn't sure what to expect with this wedding, the wedding which we refer to as the 'American' wedding. We had gone to India in February for the 'India' wedding and now it was our turn to host the festivities. My daughter and her fiancee wanted a 'traditional' American wedding. She wore a beautiful wedding gown, her dad walked her down the aisle and our minister married them reading familiar words and Scripture. Guests arrived from India, all corners of Canada, Texas, Arizona, California and many states up and down the East Coast. We all shared a good laugh as we discussed the many different ways we greeted each other as we all came together at the rehearsal dinner on Friday evening. The Canadian girls gave us the two cheek 'air' kiss, the Indians greeted us with a slight head bow and put their hands together as they greeted us with 'Namaste', and the Americans shook hands, hugged or kissed or some awkward combination of all three. And so there I was ~ air kissing, bowing, shaking, hugging and kissing - all at once. I was exhausted.

The wedding took place at 5:00 pm. I have to be honest here - I am not a huge fan of these late afternoon, early evening weddings. I can't stand the wait time. By Saturday morning I was ready to go. wasn't about me. It was my daughter's wedding, my daughter's day, so I kept myself busy until the magical hour. So off to the spa I went for my hot stone massage.

In my opinion if all people received a monthly massage the world would be a better place. I can think of only one physical experience which is more enjoyable than a hot stone massge - and I am not talking childbirth. As I laid on the massage table I tried to sleep as the massage therapist worked her magic but my mind was racing. I started talking. My sinuses started to let loose. And then the tears came. Lots of them. The massage therapist said to let the tears flow. I had no choice. So I laid there defenseless as tears poured down my face. My nose was running. I was, once again, a mess. I like to think I was a hot mess.

So many emotions were running through my veins. A jumble of thoughts and memories fought to get attention from me. My parents were not able to attend thier oldest granddaughter's wedding due to failing health so I cried tears for them. Memories of my daughter as a little girl filled my head and I was taken back to the days of playing school with her, watching her dance to the movie 'Foot Loose', and to the times when I had to set an extra plate at the table for her imaginary friend, Charlie Brown. I chuckled as I remembered the evening I sat down to eat and my daughter screamed at me - I had just sat down on Charlie Brown!
Memories of walking to the nearest corner store to buy our daily Popsicle, spending hours in the children's room of our local library and dancing to 'Girls just want to have Fun' in our kitchen were all part of the tears which cascaded down my cheeks. Just let them flow. Memories of reading, reading and reading some more to my girl. Memories of telling bedtime stories, making dozens of Christmas cookies, watching her run on her school's track team, preparing for the debate team, buying her first prom gown. So many memories, so many tears.

And then I focused on the here and now. My first born was getting married ! My daughter has met her soul mate. She has met her match. They will challenge each other. They will respect each other. They will support each other. They will love each other. My tears dried up. I took a few deep breaths. It was time to get this party started.

My daughter had asked her dad to say a blessing before the meal at the reception. He had been working on choosing the perfect words for a few weeks but I had no idea what he was going to say. He looked so handsome standing in front of all of the guests dressed in his tuxedo. I felt my heart flutter as I watched him. After thirty years of marriage he still reaches me at my core. His words were spoken from the heart and powerful. I would like to share the last line which set the tone for the evening... ' We pray that the differences now gathered herein will form a beautiful mosaic which exemplifies, glorifies and celebrates that which is the very best of humankind.'

And then we got the party started. We ate. We talked. We danced. We toasted. We laughed. We made friendships. We shared traditions. We shared cultures. My son found out he loves Punjabi music. We taught the Electric Slide to our new friends. I found out there were more tears hanging out in my tear ducts! They became visible when my beautiful daughter danced with her wonderful father. I watched as he struggled to keep his tears under control. Just let them flow. My cheeks were wet as I watched the groom dance with his mom. She was so nervous. She was not at all familiar with our tradition, with our dancing style, but she did it for her son. Her love for her son enveloped the room.

We came together from around the world to witness this marriage and at the end of it all the world seemed to be a more beautiful mosaic and our differences seemed less than our commonalities. Love does make the world go round!

So here I sit, propped up. I am exhausted from crying. My feet hurt from wearing cute heels which really hurt. I am reflecting. Three weddings in one year - phew. My closet is now full of gowns, tight heels and saris. I will deal with all of that later. Now I have to figure out what to do next. Sleep is high on my list. I'd love a massage but my tear ducts ache. Cleaning this house is low on the list.

But there is no rest for the weary - today is my husband's birthday! Tomorrow is my daughter's birthday. Not the newlywed daughter but the pregnant daughter ~ my Halloween baby. She will be 28 years old tomorrow and she is very pregnant ~ with twins ~ twin boys! Let's get this party started- again.


Retiredandcrazy said...

Aren't families wonderful. I love the whole "family get together" thing whatever the occasion. My beloved grandaughter was married this summer and this Sunday we are having a family gala lunch at our house for my daughter's 40th birthday for (appropriately enough) 40 people.

Kahshe Cottager said...

Deb what a wonderful post! Emotionally, I felt like I was there with you. I am so looking forward to the photos! Party on!!

Beverly said...

Okay, now I'm crying, too. It all just makes my heart swell.

You're a good person and a good mother.

Willow said...

Now you've made my tear ducts overflow! What a beautiful tribute to your whole family, to you, your husband, your daugther and son-in-law and his family.

Yes, we remember the sweet days when our children were young, but we'd not return to them because look what's ahead! Grandbabies!

Take a bit of time to rest and relax!

Louise said...

What a beautiful and heartfelt post! Tears are flowing down my cheeks from your words, because I can completely imagine myself in 22-or so years. Yes, my oldest is only six, but I do the things now in your memories, and I am all-too aware of how quickly this time is passing, and that I can't have one second back.


And as for the massage... I really don't like massages--I'm am WAY too ticklish, and they make me more tense than before. But a Hot Stone massage is different. It is bliss. When I get one (I think I've had three in my life), I am always rationalizing ways to take the time and money to make it a weekly, then bi-weekly, then monthly event. Obviously with three under my belt, it is only special occasions (less than one a year), but they are the BEST!

RiverPoet said...

What a beautiful post! It sounds as though blessings have rained down on your family this year. Celebrate!

Peace - D

Daryl said...

I am hugging myself and sniffling back tears .. what a truly wonderful post .. I loved your husband's words and picturing your son-in-law and his mother dance.

Gosh I cant wait for the twins!


Deb said...

Hi Retired ~ Party!

Hi Kahshe ~ I can't wait to see pictures. Wish you had been there with your camera and talent!

Hi Willow ~ I never thought I would be excited to be a Grammie but I am so ready! Resting doesn't seem to be on my agenda lately!

Hi Louise ~ Enjoy each moment!

Hi Riverpoet ~ We are truly blessed and very thankful and grateful! :)

Hi Daryl ~ Thanks. I can't wait to introduce the twins to the world!

Maggie May said...

I really did enjoy reading your account of your daughter's Indian wedding.A daughter's wedding is filled with different emotions..... happiness and also a sense of losing your little girl. I think you captured that very well in your post.
You are lucky to be able to look forward to the twins that your other daughter is expecting.
Thanks for the good wishes for MY family and for your welcome visit.

Beverly said...

You had me crying again with this post. We do love our children, and these big moments in their lives flood our emotions.

Now take some time to pamper yourself. You deserve it - you are a wonderful mother.

Rapunzel said...

Deb, what a beautiful post! I know exactly how you feel, did the same thing when Kali was married a few months ago. There is this "deflation" afterward, you are so emotionally and physically drained..whew...

Sit back and reflect/relax a bit on a job well done!


imbeingheldhostage said...

That was a lovely post! I hope you have had time to breathe today!!
Happy bday husband and pregnant daughter :-)

david mcmahon said...

You are so right, Deb. Life is a party. We share it with those who mean the most to us.

Akelamalu said...

Oh the wedding sounds just wonderful Debs! So much emotion and happiness, even the tears were beautiful!

Will you be sharing photos? I do hope so. :)

Mean Mom said...

What a moving post! It sounds like you had a lovely day, filled with different emotions. I'm not surprised that you are worn out.

My eldest son moved out, to live with his girlfriend, a couple of months ago, so I've also found myself reliving 'old times', this year, too. Another chapter coming to an end and a new one beginning!

pink dogwood said...

Loved reading about it. As I sit here reading this on my laptop in my kitchen, my daughter is playing a little mermaid tune on the keyboard, and I am thinking of a day in future when she would build a nest of her own. I miss her already.

' We pray that the differences now gathered herein will form a beautiful mosaic which exemplifies, glorifies and celebrates that which is the very best of humankind.'

I wish more people thought this way . Great post - waiting for some pictures now :)

Chapati said...

found you over at authorblog. What a lovely post :o)

Moannie said...

Beautifully written post, most worthy of POTD.

My word, your blessing overflow, with more to come.
I am emotionally drained just reading it.

lisaschaos said...

WOW! I'm sure life feels a little empty now that it's all done. But now you get to just relax and enjoy. :)

Andrea with the Flipflops said...

What a full and beautiful life you have! I cried all the way from beginning to end during this post ... beautiful!

Air kisses from this crazy Canuck.

Epijunky said...

What a beautiful post!

Congrats on POTD, I found you through David :)

Sandi McBride said...

Congratulations on Post of the Day...and any excuse to cook, I love a house full...right now it sounds as though you need a nap!

Dreamlight said...

Time for rest and renewal now sweet lady

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